i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
