I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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