We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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