he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
