I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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