Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
