That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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