Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize