is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
