So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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