defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
