it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
