I look better un-naked...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
