so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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