his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
