Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
