i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
