im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize