How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
