yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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