Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize