And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
