just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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