There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
