I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
