Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
