people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
