Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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