Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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