Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
