Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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