do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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