I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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