Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
