Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
