he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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