dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
