Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
