Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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