laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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