I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
be right there i have to get my cape
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A bitchslap is in order.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
