put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
