Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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