Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
