It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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