im six kinds of drunk right now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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