I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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