The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
