I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
