Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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