well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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