We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
