We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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