im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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