I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
