Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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