I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
