i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
