i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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