yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
