Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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