4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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