We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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