Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
there is glitter all over my balls
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
