I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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