soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
