So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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