I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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