She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I want her autograph on my taint
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
