and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Randomize